Horrible Lines from The Da Vinci Code

22Mar12

I recently read Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code for the lols and I thought I’d share some of its worst passages with you.

Sophie looked equally intimidated as her eyes scanned the lobby.

Does her face have 2 personalities?

Pulling his driver’s cap down further, he effected as rough a facade as his cultured upbringing would allow.

Apparently that refined upbringing didn’t include the difference between effected and affected

The estate fondly had become known as la Petite Versailles.

what is that adverb position

The air inside smelled antediluvian, regal somehow, with traces of pipe tobacco, tea leaves, cooking sherry, and the earthen aroma of stone architecture.

Antediluvean??? Damn, this guy’s house is old!

The fond memory caused Sophie a pang of sadness as the harsh reality of the murder gripped her again.

Dan Brown finds a way to use 3 cliches in one sentence

 “The Latin word haereticus means ‘choice.'”

It doesn’t

Almost inconceivably, the gun into which she was now staring was clutched in the pale hand of an enormous albino with long white hair.

“Almost inconceivably”???

The Priory, like many European secret societies at odds with the Church, had considered English the only European pure language for centuries. Unlike French, Spanish, and Italian, which were rooted in Latin — the language of the Vatican — English was linguistically removed from Rome’s propaganda machine, and therefore became a sacred, secret tongue for those brotherhoods educated enough to learn it.

BECAUSE ENGLISH DOESN’T INCLUDE LITERALLY 10000 FRENCH LOANWORDS AND GERMANIC/FINNO-UGRIC/CELTIC/ANY OTHER EUROPEAN LANGUAGES DON’T EXIST

Also note the “Dan Brown italics” for delivering facts everyone already knows.

Remy could no longer see, but he could sense his oxygen-deprived brain straining to cling to his last faint shreds of lucidity.

Bahahahaha

Everyone in the reception area gaped in wonderment at the half-naked albino offering forth a bleeding clergyman.

What is this I don’t even

Although its plot twists are interesting & it’s got 3 or 4 good gimmicks, I still wouldn’t recommend reading this piece of shit.

I prefer my anti-Catholic propaganda in 32-bit form, after all…

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3 Responses to “Horrible Lines from The Da Vinci Code”

  1. 1 maxbane

    “he effected as rough a facade as his cultured upbringing would allow.”

    This is a perfectly fine use of the verb “effect”, meaning to produce, generate, or result in.

    • 2 nicktramdack

      It should be affected because he’s affecting an artificial manner.

  2. I use the prologues to both of DB’s big books in my creative writing classes as examples of how not to write. It’s stunning work.



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